What Mothers Do

Having been to a La Leche League meeting today in which people were kind enough to compliment my mothering skills and my children, and remembering from What Mothers Do: Especially When it Looks Like Nothing how easy it is to underestimate all the stuff you do as a parent, I thought I'd revisit the goals I set for our family life in January and see how we're doing.

• Succeeding at making at least 80% of the family's bread, cakes, biscuits and other such products.
• Succeeding in keeping the Home Education Group I helped set up last summer going from strength to strength.
• Succeeding in keeping on top of our allotment plot and garden - and have in fact planted 3 varieties of potatoes, carrots, parsnips, beetroots, leeks and Jerusalem Artichokes at the allotment, and strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, herbs, apples, pears, cobnuts, tomatoes, cucumbers, courgettes and French beans at home.
• Succeeding in keeping my part-time work going and contributing a useful amount to the household income.
• Succeeding in supporting my husband through his career change and re-training.
• Still attempting to decide on what I want to re-train as.
• Currently sorting out some submissions to agents of my recently-completed novel.
• My daughter is now reading fluently, my son starting to read and we're keeping up making special times of the day to read longer books to them both.
• Succeeding in branching out in our day-trips out to further afield and longer days - even though my son is slightly struggling with this as it really tires him out.
• Succeeding in cutting the food and household budget while still providing nutritious meals mainly cooked from scratch.

The trouble is that as soon as you achieve a goal it becomes the normal thing you do, so you end up doing more and more without realising how much you do, and then wonder why you feel tired, have no spare time, and haven't added any new goals in a while. So this is a totally boastful post to remind myself of how much I actually do! Hurray for mum everywhere!

Feeling out of place

Been to LLL again today and I'm still wondering, even more than before, if this is really the right place for us at the moment. I feel out of place there. Obviously, I'm not the only one there with older children but I am the only one there with *only* older children and no intention of having any more either, so I'm feeling rather out of step with everyone else there. Obviously, things at LLL tend to be rather baby-focused, and although it's nice not to feel odd for feeding a 3.5 year old, the issues are rather different when you're feeding a child rather than a baby.

Obviously, you can be friends with people whose children are not the same age as your own but I think that most new mums are not really thinking of making new friends, unless they are with people who are in the same kind stage of babyness as them. And I can't even talk about school things either.

It's not that people aren't friendly, they are - it's just that I can't really se the kind of chatty friendliness that it is turning into actual friendships away from the LLL meetings.

I'm starting to feel that this is never going to happen - meeting someone fairly like-minded, fairly local and who is actually interested in being friends with or without the children.

A whinge

I've had awful headaches (and a migraine all day Sunday) since Saturday and and I'm really fed-up with it now. I'm not sure if it's my son's phase of not sleeping at night, the overcast weather, dehydration in the morning from feeding all night, or my wisdom teeth that's set it off (or maybe a combination) but I'm really fed-up with it. I don't like taking painkillers and due to still feeding, I'm limited in what I can take to fairly basic ones anyway which don't help much, but I've been in such pain that I've probably taken more in the last 4 days than I have in the last 4 years.
The last time I went to the dentist (in March), she said I might have to have to have at least 1 and maybe 2 wisdom teeth out and I'm terrified at the thought (general anaesthetic at hospital) but obviously if they're going to cause me awful pain, I will have to get it done. I had thought they were gradually coming through OK, and maybe they are, maybe it's something else that has set this pain off. I would get some cranial osteopathy for me as it helped the children in their teething, but we're rather skint now and I also need some new glasses and then there's Christmas coming up. Gah! And it's raining again and we're going to LLL this morning. It always seems to rain when we go there and it's rather a long walk so we'll get there soaked again.
Fed, fed, FED-UP.

Making friends?

How do you make friends? It's a weird process. When you're at college or work or hang out with a crowd of friends it can be an easy and organic process, but when you are at home with children, it becomes a bit more awkward. Recently, I have tried the contacting random home educating families nearby method, which was odd. We've met quite a few people through that but the genuine friendships springing from shared interests and outlooks still grow quite slowly and it's a nerve-racking process a bit like answering a lonely hearts ad and going on a blind date.

So, I've started going to LLL meetings. This was my second one and though everyone was friendly and chatty, I find big groups of people quite stressful and it's hard to pick out individuals who you might have something more in common with. And then when you do feel you might click with a particular person, there's that awkward part where you try and transfer the friendship to a one-on-one thing rather than a 'see you at each meeting' kind of thing. Instead of being a blind date, it's now more akin to asking someone out on a first date.

Now I've never really 'dated' as such so I'm not sure how valid this comparison is, but it certainly feels quite weird to me. There's so much potential for feeling rejected or for feeling obligated to people you don't actually like, or both! I find people tricky at the best of times so I'm feeling quite exhausted now at making such a huge effort and speaking to lots of people I don't know trying to be friendly and chatty and open. I know it's the only way, but phew...