Monday, 27 April 2009

Conflicted

My husband has gone off to work this morning for the first day in a 2 week temp job. It's weird - this should have been good news, we certainly need the money, but we were both fairly miserable about it. It feels so right having him home - having the whole family in one place, in our home, all pulling together to grow things, cook things, educate the children, and have time for our own creative projects. It was working really well with us all here, and now we go back to that old 'one at work' and 'one at home' dichotomy with all the discontent, resentment and misunderstanding that it can bring. 

OK, so it's only for 2 weeks and we may yet find something which fits in better in the long-term, but for some reason I find myself utterly miserable this morning. As if, this is it, we tried and our  experiment failed and the only option now is to go back to wife at home full-time, husband at work full-time complete conventionality. Part of me wants to run off to live in a yurt just as reaction to the idea. Which isn't a very reasoned 
and logical response.

I guess maybe some small part of me was hoping that the universe would provide an opportunity - one of those lucky breaks that inspires you to believe you're on the right path and someone somewhere is smoothing the way for you (not that we've ever experienced much of that, now I come to think of it!). Or maybe we're not on the right path after all? 

I suppose we just have to keep on trying, try again harder. But I am weary this morning, watching the rain pouring down on a Monday morning, and after such a lovely week last week too.

Oh well, here's a lovely picture of the green opposite our house last week before the council mowed it all down. Make a good jigsaw puzzle, I thought!

3 comments:

Carolyn said...

I feel for you Liz. The whole working together at home thing is great...why, oh why is it so hard to make it happen?
And I understand completely how you feel about the running off to live in a yurt!!!!
If you do...let me know, and we will come too!!!!!

bethnoir said...

I hope your day got better after you posted this and that Stuart's day went well. Nothing is set in stone, the universe may provide in the future, it's only 2 weeks, after all!

Missy 'Lou' said...

I'm putting good thoughts into the Aether for you and Stuart. We are, as you know, on the opposite side of that universe. Hubby is an at-home Daddy; whilst I'm work-at-home-Mommy, but he tends to 'grumble' about it - finding too many excuses why he can't do the things he REALLY wants to be doing. (emphasis on 'grumbling'!). and I fight resentment in wanting the time to do things with kiddo's versus 'working'....but I don't grumble. I'm like you in having the hope that the universe will bring opportunities (just wish the universe would hurry up!).