Musing on the Muse

I find it very hard to be creative at this time of the year; my inspiration seems to disappear as soon as the grey days start and rain falls. I've been doing some meditation on that and I think that my frustration at feeling unable to connect with inspiration gives my usual seasonal depression an additional edge. I'm no longer sure if it's the depression blocking my inspiration, or if my depression is partly fueled by my inability to create and both are caused by a third thing - ie the darkness.

My meditations and workings recently have all been centred in healing and health - for me and my family - but once we're all in good shape again, I'm planning to start meditations on inspiration and seeking my Muse again. For me, meditations on the sun seem a good place to start, but I wondered what other people use to kick-start their creativity while having a dry spell?

Obviously, being out in nature helps, but due to my back injury that has been difficult recently. This injury and our recent combined family ill-health have been a real shock to the system. It is scary quite how vulnerable we are, and how much of our carefully ordered life falls apart when I'm not very mobile even for a short while.

I think confidence has a certain amount to do with inspiration as well - or maybe it's just that confidence enhances my receptiveness to inspiration. I'll tend to question it less and act on it more when I'm feeling good about myself and my abilities. This is clearly also linked to my depression. Recently I read a certain famous series of books which, despite being bestsellers, are *really* badly written and it really knocked my confidence for several weeks. What is the point of spending years learning and practising my writing (and still not being published) when other people can get such badly written and derivative drivel published and have such a huge volume of sales?

Time is another factor. Sometimes I get a moment of inspiration but I'm in the middle of shopping, or doing some activity with the kids. If I was single with no ties or responsibilities I could write whenever the mood struck, through the night, without worrying about getting meals. I know these mundane things shouldn't interfere, but realistically they do. My kids have a prior claim on me, we all have to eat. Since my writing isn't bringing in any money, perhaps the time I spend doing it is self-indulgent and I shouldn't be trying to tempt the Muse at all. Maybe I should be glad I can't seem to write at the moment, and use the time to do some actual paid work.

I think I'm having an inspiration crisis, so I need to meditate on that. Any thoughts or wishes welcome!